The last couple days I've been pondering what I should write about next. The only suggestion I recieved from people was to write about how REAL army life is different from the tv show. Well, this is about to be as real as it gets...
I'm sitting here listening to "Home" by the Foo Fighters crying like a baby. My husband and I PCS to Hawaii in 10 weeks. He started clearing the other day and things are finally starting to move along. Now that everything is in the works and we have the paperwork, it feels real. It feels real and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I miss home. When will I see home next?
I haven't seen my dad since christmas (he does work in Alabama, so he's not home much). My mom is visiting in just a couple weeks. I don't know what all started this mood though. It could be my little sisters birthday thats coming up. She's going to be twelve. I remember being twelve. It was the most difficult age I had to deal with. I lost a lot of my self esteem when I was that age. I felt the lowest of lows. I don't want that to happen to her. I want to be there to protect her. I want to be there for all my siblings. I used to protect my brothers. Now they are all bigger than me and they try to protect me. I love them all to death. I miss weekends with my mom. All the kids would be gone and it'd be just her and I. We'd watch movies together and just talk about everything. I miss random days with my dad. He'd come home from work early and he'd take me shopping. It's the little things. I feel like I took those for granted. Kids growing up always talk about how they can't wait to get out of the house. We want to be able to feel that freedom. The freedom is great. But I constantly feel like a huge chunk is missing out of my heart. I grew up being so close with my family...after Jeff and I leave I dont know when I will be able to see them again. Three years. A lot can change in three years. 15, 17, 20, 21. Thats how old my siblings will be when we get back to the states. I wont be able to buy my oldest brother his first beer. I won't be able to take my other brother to get his first tattoo. I wont be able to take that first drive with my youngest brother. And I wont be able to take homecoming pictures with my sister. It breaks my heart. I have to keep telling myself that I KNEW what I was getting into.
There you have it. Real live Army wife life. It's time for me to put my big girl panties on now.